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:icondivafica: More from divafica

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Submitted on
October 21, 2012
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951 bytes


342 (who?)
I always laugh when you refer to me as glass.
Not just because of the way you say it,
Or because I know it's a crack at my fragility.

Glass is pure.
I am like granite -
my body nullified from too many clashing traits.

Glass is transparent.
I am like clay -
illegible from all the plastered smiles.

Glass is unyielding.
I am like chalk -
easily broken and scuffed away by meagre things.

Glass is hung up on walls and in great cathedrals,
tinted for enhancement, but only ever painted on by fools.

I am hidden behind keypads and camera lenses,
coated in a thick paste of deceptiveness.

No, my love,
I was never glass.  (Despite my fragility)
Call me granite or clay or chalk
and be done with me.

Written for #poetry-book's 'Scratch That' audition. Wish me luck!.

More like this:

Paradise.My arms ache from digging through
rough and ruin, in search of

I saw it in a whispered dream,
there, nothing hurt;
we were unspoken.

With winter came warmth and summer snow,
And nothing died, just ceased to
walk with me
in paradise.

A daily deviation? I can't believe it, thank you so much! Huge thanks to ~xTintedlullabyx and her group #Daily-Deviations for suggesting me, and of course to ^thorns for giving me the DD! :iconsohappyplz:
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-01-20
Glass by =divafica draws the reader in with interesting comparisons. ( Suggested by xTintedlullabyx and Featured by thorns )
An excellent metaphor of glass versus chalk. I like how you contrasted aspects of glass with characteristics of chalk. it would flow better if you kept to this compare and contrast scheme throughout the whole piece.

Your vocabulary choice is very nice. I like how in one stanza you use words such as "cathedral" and "enchantment" and in the next one use terms such as "paste" and "keypads". It is a nice contrast that parallels the preexisting contrast between glass and chalk.

To make this piece even better, I would suggest working on the flow and rhythm, because it was a little difficult to follow parts of it. The ending, though, is a perfect wrapping-up of the whole piece. Succinct and simple.
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5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

Hello from the writers club! :iconwriters--club:

I see that you've already been critiqued on this so I'm going to keep this quite short. When I give critiques I always try my best to actually criticize, but, I only have praise for you. This is a beautiful piece of work. I love your use of punctuation (so many poets forget to use it at all). I thought the way you used the glass metaphor throughout your entire poem was genius. This is a such an original and captivating poem. It was a pleasure to read your work, keep up the great work.
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5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

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divafica Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
clarissabelle Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is a beautiful piece of poetry.
divafica Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you :hug:
clarissabelle Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome.
my apologies if the comment is a repeat and for my lack of remembering the technical terminology

at magical joey: the comma after cathedrals is irrelevant because of the following syntactical device: The tourists who knew of the flood took a different route. (compared to) The tourists, who knew of the flood, took a different route.

the comma simply differentiates which tourists are included in the description following the noun 'tourists'. same for cathedrals. writer of this piece would need to place the quality of tinted and such following glass. same for the following stanza

as per grammatical usage, no rudeness intended c:
divafica Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I'm sorry? I'm confused. ^^;
^^; nothing to do with your writing; it's a good piece

the other guy made an incorrect analysis of your grammar, so i corrected that. i didn't know how to reply to him personally, but i saw you'd possibly edited your piece regarding his comments about commas
divafica Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh right! Now I see what you mean :)
sorry for any confusion or clutter on your piece ^^;
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