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I always laugh when you refer to me as glass.
Not just because of the way you say it,
(glass-as-in-gas).
Or because I know it's a crack at my fragility.


Glass is pure.
I am like granite -
my body nullified from too many clashing traits.

Glass is transparent.
I am like clay -
illegible from all the plastered smiles.

Glass is unyielding.
I am like chalk -
easily broken and scuffed away by meagre things.


Glass is hung up on walls and in great cathedrals,
tinted for enhancement, but only ever painted on by fools.

I am hidden behind keypads and camera lenses,
coated in a thick paste of deceptiveness.


No, my love,
I was never glass.  (Despite my fragility)
Call me granite or clay or chalk
and be done with me.
=divafica
:tighthug:

Written for #poetry-book's 'Scratch That' audition. Wish me luck!.

More like this:

Paradise.My arms ache from digging through
rough and ruin, in search of
paradise.

I saw it in a whispered dream,
there, nothing hurt;
we were unspoken.

With winter came warmth and summer snow,
And nothing died, just ceased to
walk with me
in paradise.


A daily deviation? I can't believe it, thank you so much! Huge thanks to ~xTintedlullabyx and her group #Daily-Deviations for suggesting me, and of course to ^thorns for giving me the DD! :iconsohappyplz:
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-01-20
Glass by =divafica draws the reader in with interesting comparisons. ( Suggested by xTintedlullabyx and Featured by thorns )
:iconsenpaisakura:
An excellent metaphor of glass versus chalk. I like how you contrasted aspects of glass with characteristics of chalk. it would flow better if you kept to this compare and contrast scheme throughout the whole piece.

Your vocabulary choice is very nice. I like how in one stanza you use words such as "cathedral" and "enchantment" and in the next one use terms such as "paste" and "keypads". It is a nice contrast that parallels the preexisting contrast between glass and chalk.

To make this piece even better, I would suggest working on the flow and rhythm, because it was a little difficult to follow parts of it. The ending, though, is a perfect wrapping-up of the whole piece. Succinct and simple.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconjessica35:
Hello from the writers club! :iconwriters--club:

I see that you've already been critiqued on this so I'm going to keep this quite short. When I give critiques I always try my best to actually criticize, but, I only have praise for you. This is a beautiful piece of work. I love your use of punctuation (so many poets forget to use it at all). I thought the way you used the glass metaphor throughout your entire poem was genius. This is a such an original and captivating poem. It was a pleasure to read your work, keep up the great work.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
:faint: :heart:
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
:glomp:
Reply
:iconclarissabelle:
clarissabelle Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is a beautiful piece of poetry.
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you :hug:
Reply
:iconclarissabelle:
clarissabelle Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome.
Reply
:iconmoon-lit-words:
moon-lit-words Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
my apologies if the comment is a repeat and for my lack of remembering the technical terminology

at magical joey: the comma after cathedrals is irrelevant because of the following syntactical device: The tourists who knew of the flood took a different route. (compared to) The tourists, who knew of the flood, took a different route.

the comma simply differentiates which tourists are included in the description following the noun 'tourists'. same for cathedrals. writer of this piece would need to place the quality of tinted and such following glass. same for the following stanza

as per grammatical usage, no rudeness intended c:
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I'm sorry? I'm confused. ^^;
Reply
:iconmoon-lit-words:
moon-lit-words Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013
^^; nothing to do with your writing; it's a good piece

the other guy made an incorrect analysis of your grammar, so i corrected that. i didn't know how to reply to him personally, but i saw you'd possibly edited your piece regarding his comments about commas
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh right! Now I see what you mean :)
Reply
:iconmoon-lit-words:
moon-lit-words Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013
sorry for any confusion or clutter on your piece ^^;
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
It's fine!:D
Reply
:iconnoojie-woojie:
Noojie-Woojie Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
I love how you used the concept of contradiction in every simile in this piece. Lovely.
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is so bluntly true, for everyone. Even the fragile things are made of rocks.
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I'm so glad you can relate. :aww:
Reply
:icondeaths-lament:
Deaths-Lament Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful :heart:
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks :love:
Reply
:iconthestarlitorangetree:
Congrats on the well deserved DD! :D I loved the simplicity, the precise definition that still had a flow. Imperfections are not presented in a shameful way, and the laughter gives it a relaxed air. Good job!
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconthestarlitorangetree:
TheStarlitOrangeTree Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
't was my pleasure ;)
Reply
:iconeuxiom:
Euxiom Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
:la: That was wonderful
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconlostgryphin:
LostGryphin Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
wow - stunning - congrats on the DD
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you very much. :aww:
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the well deserved DD! :dalove:
Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you :glomp:
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure :happybounce:
Reply
:iconlettherebeapples:
LetThereBeApples Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Very nice.
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks :squee:
Reply
:iconlettherebeapples:
LetThereBeApples Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Of course ^.^
Reply
:iconfirstandlastmen:
FirstAndLastMen Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm sure i've heard this before. i know i have. this has been written before.
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Where? :O
I wrote this.
Reply
:iconfirstandlastmen:
FirstAndLastMen Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
When?
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
A day before I submit it so Oct. 20 2012
Is it somewhere else? :cry:
Reply
:iconfirstandlastmen:
FirstAndLastMen Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
definitely. i have definitely seen this. the part about chalk has been used word for word before. no question
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh, could you link me where?
Reply
:iconfirstandlastmen:
FirstAndLastMen Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
never mind. i don't wish to accuse. i may be overreacting. i'll leave thing where they are. if someone claims this as theirs, then i was correct, but if no-one claims it, i was making a fuss over nothing.
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Professional Writer
This is amazing. So glad you got a DD. :clap:
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconjoel-wade:
Joel-Wade Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013   General Artist
Great work here, love that last stanza, congratulations!
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks! :love:
Reply
:iconquillandshield:
QuillandShield Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Student Writer
This is a heart-wrenching and cleverly woven poem, that's verses peer into the human soul. The way this poem flows does much to make it so beautiful and that last verse is honestly perfect. Fantastic!
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you dearly :glomp:
Reply
:iconquillandshield:
QuillandShield Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Student Writer
Anytime. :)
Reply
:iconteahostessreema:
TeaHostessReema Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The imagery of glass could've easily fallen into cliche if it weren't for your unique way of twisting it! Genius! :clap:
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you! :happycry:
Reply
:iconteahostessreema:
TeaHostessReema Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :tea:
Reply
:iconakashasdreamworld:
AkashasDreamworld Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Fantastic work! I love your style! (:

-Avy
Reply
:icondivafica:
divafica Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much. :thanks:
Reply
:iconakashasdreamworld:
AkashasDreamworld Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :hug:
Reply
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