memories don't just fadeMy eyes are red and bloodshot, with low-lying eyelids.
I widen them; it stings a little.
So I squeeze them shut, and open them again
- very slowly.
I've been sobbing on my pillow; it's smudged with my mascara.
Why didn't I take my makeup off before I went to bed?
What was the point of that question?
I sigh, I know exactly why there's no room in my mind
for thoughts about skincare.
I turn back to the mirror on my bedside, and trail my gaze down from my pathetic eyes
toward a purple gash running diagonally from my cupids bow
to the left side of my cheek.
My lip is split, so it hurts to talk now.
"If I slice your mouth sweetie
Pride and Acceptance ?They loathe me;
they shout the worst words
right in my ear,
burning, scathing words.
I am proud... Proud of me, of who I am, of what I am.
I'm alone now, shunned.
I curl up in the wastelands
of something I once recognised
as my most intimate identity,
but now feels foreign and outlandish;
like myself.
I am not wrong, they just don't understand me.
(I am proud.I don't need anyone elseto accept me;I accept myself.)
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Deviousness `ChewedKandi has certainly gone out of her way to keep the vector community on the right path. Always making sure that her talents are infinitely scalable, Sharon has put her bezier curves to excellent use, and firmly anchored herself as an inspirational leader. We're absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for June 2013 to `ChewedKandi. Congratulations, Sharon! Read More
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Sta.sh
"And nothing died, just ceased to/ walk with me/ in paradise." I can understand the gist of what this sentence is trying to say, but it's difficult to see that because of how the sentence is structured. Sticking with the final stanza, I felt like it was forced into the poem. There's no connection between it and the previous stanza.
Now looking at the poem as a whole, I felt very detached from the poem because there is no imagery. As the reader, I had nowhere to plant my feet and saw nothing in the poem. Because of the lack of concrete images, the poem sounded cliche. There's so many different directions that this poem can go and many different things it can show if it were allowed to show us. This is a great start for something great.
"Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt."
Sorry, but I thought of it the minute I saw the phrase nothing hurt in your poem
Speaking of which, overall I really did like this poem. There's some really amazing imagery in here - digging through/rough and ruin etc. Strangely - and I say strangely because this is such a short and sweet poem - the only real critiques I can think of involve cutting a tiny bit of content. For example, I don't think you need "And there" in the "nothing hurt" lines. "Nothing hurt; we were/unspoken" could do equally well - in my opinion - and kind of parallel the formatting of the first stanza at the same time (the first stanza, by the way, was lovely, as were the second and third). I almost think that with the third stanza, though, 'walk' looks orphaned for no apparent reason - although I could be missing a completely legitimate reason, I'll admit. Is there a purpose to having walk stand alone? The line about winter was absolutely gorgeous, stunning use of contradiction.
Grammatically, I'd look out for comma splices. There are a few that make the poem confusing (try second and last lines). Other than that, this poem is...really, just really excellent. I really do like it
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